Memories
by Darkness's Angel
Summary: Memories are both blessings and curses, something Hermione realizes one day. one shot.


****

Memories

Summary: Memories are both blessings and curses, something Hermione realizes one day. Very sad one shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

****

xxx

I didn't know it would be like this.

Of course, you know it is going to hurt when your heart is broken, smashed into pieces, shattered into fragments of what used to be there, only part of what was once whole. You never imagine that it would be like this, however, that was my mistake I suppose, I never knew it would hurt this much.

You were everything were everything to me. The smile on your face, the laughter in your emerald greens eyes, just everything about you made my heart race just a little bit faster, made my breathe a little bit shakier.

I cried so much for you, even now, years after our broken, failed relationship, I still do.

You would think that by now, the memories of your face, the words spoken, the actions that were done would be erased from my mind. If anything, they are only strengthen in my dreams. Nothing fades, Harry, everything is still there.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. So I could erase everything, meeting you, liking you, then inevitably and ultimately falling in love with you. The thing is I can't. The reason because I don't want to know what it would be like without you, and in some twisted way, I think that I would be worse off without the memories.

Crazy, I know.

The last time I spoke to you was at Graduation. Being Head Boy and Girl, we had to write and perform a speech together. Those times we sat in the Common Room, working on it, almost killed me. We parted, afterwards, saying that we would keep in touch, and see each other once again, though that didn't happen.

We didn't talk, we didn't write, we didn't see each other, at least not planned.

I suppose most of it is my fault. I didn't want to see you, didn't want to talk to you, because every time I was around you, I craved you. I felt my heart completely take over, I lost control. I couldn't have that, Harry, I could not afford to lose control like that.

I did keep up with what you and Ron were both doing, though, and every time I saw your name in Witch Weekly, or Teen Witch, another girl latched upon your arm, my heart shattered, just a little bit more.

I blamed myself I think, and a part of me still does.

I had my share of relationships, granted, not as many as you. Yet, every time I got close to someone, or almost get to the point of being happy with them, I would run away. I was scared of commitment, I was scared of actually falling in love, I was scared to get married, to move on.

It was because every time I was alone, I would think of you.

I didn't purposely try to do it, and I didn't want to either, it just happened. It was not under my control.

Then, it was announced you were getting married.

That shattered what was left of me, broke me completely.

She was a very pretty witch. French, I believe. She had long blonde curls, and bright blue eyes. I saw a picture of the two of you in the Daily Prophet. You both looked so happy, so in love.

It made me sick in all honesty.

I saw you once, before the announcement of your engagement. I had been in Diagon Alley, replenishing my supplies. You were walking out of Flourish and Blotts. I looked up for some reason, as if some invisible force was compelling me to, and I froze. My breathe caught in my throat, and my heart almost stopped.

You looked up, and I found myself looking straight into your emerald green eyes, the eyes I had loved so much. I knew I had to draw my eyes away from you, but seeing you after all that time made it more difficult, and for awhile I couldn't.

I don't know how long it was, nor do I know why we stood there like that. No words were exchanged, and you finally looked away. I just watched as the wind slightly tossed your jet black hair over your eyes, making that lightning scar visible to me.

It took all I had to turn and walk away from you.

That was the last time I saw you, and that was almost twelve years ago.

There have occasional things in the press about you, since then. Sometimes about your wife, sometimes about your work as an auror. Then of course, there was the announcement of the birth of your daughter.

Anna Lillian Potter.

She was the darling child of the Wizarding World, the daughter of their hero and savior.

The bell rings, and I am drawn away from my thoughts, as my second year Ravenclaw and Gryffindor Transfiguration class wanders in.

One child stands out though. The little girl with the jet black hair, in curls cascading down her back, with the shimmering emerald eyes, and sweet smile.

She looks so much like you, Harry. It sometimes hard for me to teach this particular class, because of that. She is usually bright for a twelve year old, not unlike how we were when we were their age. She is the top of her class, and seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

I pass out the exams and tell them their instructions, then sit down at my desk. I watch as Anna scrunches up her face in concentration, and almost laugh at that.

Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things, Harry. Like what would of happened if we had stayed in contact, or if I had told you I loved you. Or if you would have still married your wife, and if I had been Anna's mother.

I sigh, and look down, closing my eyes for a second. Shaking my head, I take out one of my muggle romance novels that Lavender and Parvati got me hooked on back in Seventh Year, and read.

Time passes, and class is almost over, and I collect the tests. The students at Hogwarts are still the same, loud, loyal, cunning, and brave. Gryffindor and Slytherin are still rivals, but now of course now, things are more united since the Dark Lord has been taken care of. As the bell sounds, I begin to look over the tests from that morning, grading them, shaking my head in dismay.

I look up when I hear footsteps coming towards the desk, and to my surprise, it's Anna.

"Is there anything I can help you with, Miss Potter?" I asked.

She does say anything, at first, then sighs. I bit back a small smile, as I watch her in amusement.

"I was just wondering about something, Professor Granger," she stated. I nodded for her to continue.

"Well, you see," she started, "Sometimes, like today, you have this glassy look in your eyes. I was just wondering why."

"Is it that noticeable?" I asked, almost snorting. She shakes her head no.

"You don't have to tell me," she says.

I gave her a small, rare smile.

"Memories," I answer, "Just reminiscing."

She grins at me, that same lopsided grin that she obviously inherited from her father, and turns on her heal, her long, curly, black hair bouncing behind her.

I watch as she walks out of the room, shaking my head. I close my eyes, and open them, and for a second I think I see you, but then I shake my head again, and you're gone.

You have been lingering in my dreams, haunting my memories, taunting me since I was thirteen years old, when I realized I loved you, and since then, there has never been a time you haven't.

It's at this moment now, I realize how much I have given up, how much I sacrificed for some unknown reason, how much I have lost.

As I look around my classroom, the room where I was once a student, I realize that all I have now are my memories, because everything is gone. I understand now, why Professor Lupin sometimes looked so unhappy, for he too had been like me, isolated and alone, but not by choice.

He too, had learned what a blessing and a curse memories where. That they were more precious then anything on the planet, simply because you were able to remember what you had felt, or done in the past, and they were also, at the same time, these taunting presences that never seemed to leave you alone, always showing you what happened, making you regret, or question your choices back then, making me remember you, Harry, and leaving me with what might have been.

****

xxx

Author's Note - Unrequited love is very sad, and very realistic. I hope I made Hermione's feelings that way also. Please review, and let me know what you thought.


End file.
